No...No he wasn't.
He called to tell me that he wants to make it 'right', at which point the following conversation happened:
The Man: "I did something bad, and I want to make it right."
Me: "What did you do?"
The Man: "Since we've been on the rocks, I have been miserable. I want to be your everything. I know I've done and said some pretty fucked up things... but I can't change them. I love you Jen."
Me: "(at this point I STILL haven't heard what he did that was 'bad'.)"I'm confused... WHAT did you DO?"
The Man: "Well, I wanted to be a better man when you got back, so I got on an anti-depressant."
Me: "Was it self-diagnosed... OR did you do it RIGHT and go see a Doctor?"
The Man: "I was trying to do good Jen."
Me: "So that is a 'no'? WHAT did you do Man? I am confused."
The Man: "When you left I wanted to be better for you. Since we went to shit the night before you left, I was so unhappy. You made me feel like a worthless piece of shit, so on Tuesday I tried to commit suicide and I'm scared."
At this point, I could feel my bitch-meter rising. I was once with a guy in high school who thought if he hurt himself when we broke up that I would dive back into his arms. I, on the other hand, have NO patience for such bullshit. It is selfish and manipulative, so this is how the remainder of the conversation went. There is a thin line between love and hate. The suicidal bullshit coupled with Craigslist and the past month completely did me in. I was pretty much a bitch.
The Man: "Say something..."
Me: "I don't know what to say. I think you are being manipulative. I do not control your feelings... YOU do. I sort-of feel like if you REALLY wanted to kill yourself, you would have. You, instead chose not to. This is a good thing. The FUCKED up part of it is that you have the nerve to tell me it was MY fault? Fuck you...."
The Man: "It is typical of you to kick me while I'm down... I don't know what I was expecting. I thought you would understand. I want to be with you...who do you love?"
Me: "I am not kicking you while you are down, but I am not enabling you anymore either. If you want to stand up and make it for YOURSELF, then stand the fuck up. I do love you....I am NOT in love with you. I do not see a future with us. I cannot be on this roller coaster anymore. I am ready to do something for ME..(long pause)....I am moving back to Omaha, I got a job."
The Man: "I wish the best for you" (hang up)
I HATE getting hung up on... this time I didn't really care....
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