You don't get a second chance....

"You don't get a second chance at a first impression..." -compliments of My Dearest friend Wendy Wendz.

So today I went to the mall to see my friend Brit at Sephora. I was early... she wasn't in yet. I haven't figured out how to use the speakerphone function on my phone yet (and already packed the book). To remedy this problem, I walked up to the Verizon Wireless kiosk and asked.

The following conversation happened:

Cute YOUNG guy: (eyebrow raised, dumb expression on his face, as if he was preparing to persuade me to switch plans...)

Me: "Already sold man. Can you tell me how to work the speakerphone function? I'm a touch screen virgin and don't know how it works."

(Though I know this probably wasn't the BEST choice in words.......I obviously am past the point of caring-clearly)

Cute YOUNG boy: "Well, let me see here..." (He took my phone, grabbing my hand in the process, at which point he called his phone to 'establish a connection')

Me: "I am moving. I packed the book."

Cute YOUNG guy: "Well, it seems all you need to do is open it when the phone call is connected.... THEN it will automatically go to speakerphone. Your touch-screen gets to remain a virgin..."

Me: "Well, Thank you. You now ENABLE me to drive while talking on the phone."(laughing because I appreciate the reference back to my own 'touch-screen virgin' humor)

Cute YOUNG guy:"So, I have your number now... you know that right? Where is the '402' area code from?" (cleverly showing me my number on his phone, since he called it to answer my question..)

Me: "Omaha, I am moving there"

Cute YOUNG guy: "What do you do?"

Me: "I'm unemployed at the moment... that is kinda why I'm moving..."

Cute YOUNG guy: "Can I ask you a question? (i nodded yes) How many boyfriends DO you have"

Me:(I couldn't stop giggling at this question) "Ummm zero, nada, nega-teev"

Cute YOUNG guy: "Well are you a lesb...?"(I cut him off in the middle of his question)

Me:"No! I'm not a lesbian...(laughing at the sincerity of his question---is this guy for real?)

Cute YOUNG guy: "Oh... well, I don't believe you then...you are very attractive"

Me: (still laughing.. shaking my head slightly)

Cute YOUNG guy: "Are you a... uhhhh. dancer?"

Me: "Are you fucking kidding me? .... No.... I am most definitely not a 'dancer'!" (still laughing at the sincerity of his question... this guys was SERIOUS... and I SERIOUSLY could not believe it!)

At that point, some people walked up to the kiosk (thank GAWD). I took my out... happily...

Me: "Thanks for your... uhhh.. help!"

Cute YOUNG guy:"Wait! I've got questions..."

Me:"I have to go... I'll see you.."

Cute YOUNG guy: "I'm going text you...."

I walked away. What on God's green earth JUST happened? When is it acceptable to assume that because I do not have a boyfriend that I am a lesbian or a stripper...ehh umm... 'dancer'. If that conversation wasn't weird enough... it got better later on in the day when he text me the following question: "So why EXACTLY don't you have a boyfriend... it intrigues me.."

My answer was this: "Loaded answer for your loaded question: I am almost 30. I have an 8 yr old. I am 3 classes from a master's degree. I have fake tits & a sleeve.....I'm not approachable.. I guess...weird."

His response was this,"I think you are cool, can I take you out?"

I deleted his response....no. no... and double-NO!

"You don't get a second chance at a first impression." IF I did go out with this guy, I would more than likely bust his balls all night because of the stripper lesbian question... PLUS, I kinda have an issue with the, "You're cool" comments... I'm so over that. What happened to normal compliments you give women you are interested in.

Your friends are 'cool"... I'm not trying to be your 'friend' dude.... ya know?

So... yeah that is what happened today. ha ha