Sex Texting

So all last night I was up because I had this dream where My ex-Man posted inappropriate pictures of me on the web. I wish I could say he didn't have any, but when I got fake tits...all bets were off! THIS is what I did about it:

Short for, Holy Shit! I am a Smart, smart girl, that unfortunately thinks ahead!

Sometime ago, I installed his PC under my virus protection. I made mine the hub PC by networking them together through a wireless hub, because, well I was paying for it... so why wouldn't I? During this time I linked the folder of all pictures of me... I DO mean all. When I deleted his PC from my network...TODAY- I additionally TOOK all my pictures back, deleting every blessed trace of ME off of HIS PC.

This is pretty much why I failed my last course, (besides the fact that my Professor is an anal bitch that cannot give instruction worth shit.)I am sure of it. The whole time I did this I read and read and read. If I had to re-do it... I honestly couldn't tell you WHAT the fuck I did, all I know is... I pulled it off because psycho appeared tonight...and he was PISSED!

I was texting my current crush, snog-boy, ex-fiance man...okay 'sex texting', IF you must know. It's totally hot and we haven't hooked up in a decade. (I'm frustrated-clearly)

While this is going on....WHY DO I hear someone knocking on my upstairs door???

It was 11pm, my little one was asleep... I knew I locked the door, so I wasn't THAT worried. I immediately texted my neighbor Ash, just in case.

All of a sudden I hear his voice...IN my pad. I ran up there and he's looking around all freaked out (my upstairs is destroyed, since I have a Goodwill pile right in front of the upstairs door).

I apparently had locked the door, but didn't pull it shut all the way---scary.)

Me: " What THE FUCK are you doing? Get out...or I'm calling the cops."

Him: "You came in my pad, so why should this be any different?"

Me: "Okay, she's asleep (pointing at my little one), get the fuck out."

Him: He made an 'Oh shit' face..YOU came in my pad and erased all your pictures."

Me: "How the fuck did I get in your pad?"

Him: "(blank look...he locks his shit every day)

Me: "I didn't step foot in your apartment."

Him:"How could you do this? You were my best friend...how could you?"

As he stepped out, the smell hit me. If any of you have ever been around an alcoholic... it has a definite smell. It is a peppery, pudgent smell with a lingering beer smell. I wanted to puke. I shut the door behind him and MADE SURE it was locked and latched GOOD.

The whole time this takes place, Crush is textin me- which in and of itself is pretty friggin entertaining.

I settled myself on my couch and began texting back, and the Man starts blowing up my phone. I was stressing out trying to make sure that I didn't send a 'Fuck you" text to the person I was trying to send a 'Fuck Me" text to....it was an interesting conquest.....